A lot has happened in my life since I wrote here. But then again, I'm sure a lot has happened in yours as well.
About eighteen months ago, I was a stay at home, homeschooling mother of 5 children, who gardened, canned, and took care of her babies and her husband. I was exactly where I wanted to be.
Now, I am a full time working mother of 5, two of whom are in the local public school, one of whom is in her second year at NOVA, and the other 2 are at home with a nurse.
And I am single.
I look around me at all that has happened, and I see how everything has crumbled, and I feel the confusion and anxiety coming off the children in waves.
And my eyes brim, and I hang my head, and my body slumps down, down, down...
All the way down until my knees hit the floor and the only way I can look is up. And in the looking up, I realize that in this storm that I am in, in this raging downpour, it is not just driving rain that is falling, but grace, as well.
Sometimes, the sun shines brightly, and I feel calm and capable and ready to face this next challenge, but sometimes, the weight is just too much to bear and my shoulders curve and shudder under the burden I carry.
And then somebody sends me a text, I'll pray for you. Grace.
or someone offers to take the kids on Monday mornings. Grace.
or someone comes and spends time with me, talking and listening, mostly just listening. Grace.
And I feel the burden lift a tad and I feel the sun and wind on my face again just a bit and I turn toward the Light and I remember:
I am not in this alone.
So I turn my face into the storm,
Because only in facing this storm head on can I truly feel the rain
Grace like rain.