Normal?

It seemed like a normal day around here.

But then I thought about what is normal?  I mean, really...what is normal?

Is a slash across your belly with a matching one across your heart normal?

Is 4 kids at home and one in a plastic fish tank at the NICU in the hospital normal?

Is a dead cat buried under the tree in the backyard after being pulled out from under the floor in your daughters' room normal?

I guess so...

I mean, for around here, it's normal.

Well, not the cat, so much.  We don't expect that to happen every day...we are kinda running out of pets.  In the past 4 years or so, we have lost 3 cats and 2 dogs.

Disclaimer:  One of those dogs and 2 of those cats died of old age.  Only one dog and one cat died prematurely.  We are not animal abusers in any way.  We love our pets.  The other dog got hit by a car, and the cat...well, that's another story.  Maybe another day...

 Sad.  But it is a part of the revolving door of life, isn't it?  For the pets, I can accept that.

I went to visit baby Hazel today.  I still can't get over how beautiful she is.  So tiny and fragile but such a fighter.

Did you know that statistically, more boys are conceived than girls, but more girls are born?  Did you know that girls survive NICU experiences better than boys?

Hazel Grace has so much going for her.  That she's a girl sets her apart, and then beyond that, that she has such an army of prayer warriors on her side.

I know you are praying for her.

It is obvious in the way that she is living...surviving...thriving...

She is not considered 'stable' yet, but she is what I would call 'balanced'.  She is tolerating her feedings and actually starting to gain weight.

Exciting!

I never knew how exciting a few grams could be!  I never knew how fast the heart could beat over a few cc's of mother's milk.  I never knew how much heart could be pumped out into those sterile bags that fill the freezer at the NICU and overflow ours here at home.

I am feeding her.

She is living off of me.  They have stopped her lipids because she is tolerating enough milk now.  She is thriving off of what I pump...from directly over my heart.

She still 'eats' through a tube that runs down her nose into her small intestine, but however it gets in her, she is liking it and she is growing!

And that is what she needs.  She just needs to grow so that her lungs can get stronger and bigger and able to support her on their own.

Medically speaking, other than her lungs, she is fine.  The valve in her heart is still closed, and she still has no bleeding in her brain.  She is perfect.

So far, the culture for her lungs to see if she still has in infection is negative.  It takes a full 5 days for the culture to be completely finished, but I think that they will start the inhaled steroids soon.  I think that they said that they didn't need to wait for the full 5 days.

I think.  Honestly, it's kinda hard sometimes to keep it all straight.  Sometimes just looking at her sweet little feet that she loves to stick out beyond the edge of the little cocoon they make for her is too distracting.  Sometimes, I am listening to the doctor, but then she will open her little eyes and look at me, and all I can hear is Charlie Brown's teacher...waawaaawa waaa waa wa...because I am lost in her gaze.

But I know the important stuff.

She's tolerating her feedings, she's gaining weight, and they were able to adjust the settings on her ventilator down slightly over since yesterday.

Beyond that, she's just my perfect baby...not a list of numbers and beeping machines.  Let the nurses take care of that part.

And for those of you wondering about Mrs W, well I saw her today, too.  She is such a beautiful sight to see in the hospital, too.  Always so cheerful and perky.  Wonderful.

Anyway...her tests came back good as well.  She will be transported to another hospital where they will be able to do surgery on her heart.

Please pray for her, too.  I link her to my Hazel Grace.  Once she moves to the other hospital, I won't be able to see her, but I will know that she's still out there.

And I will know that whatever she's going through, as long as she has breath, she will be praying for my sweet Hazel Grace.

I know this because she promised me.

And a promise like that is one you hold to the heart.  

Half-Cat with my Whole Heart

Last Friday we had to say 'goodbye' again.  It really seems like too much.  To have to say goodbye to two dogs and a cat in just two years feels like it's just too fast.  You barely catch your breath from one and you are getting knocked back again by the next. 

But let me tell you the story of Half-Cat.


That was not always her name.  She was a hard one to name.  She kind of came with the house when we bought it 13 years ago.  At the time, we had 7 cats, but we had left them all in the apartment until we could get a little more settled in the house.  I was home alone one day in the new house, and I was feeling a little lonely without my cats by my side, when I saw the cutest little kitten playing outside.  She was playing with something she could see by the light from the kitchen right outside the sliding glass door.  It was January, so it was dark early and very cold.  I had seen this kitten around outside and figured that she was either a stray or had been left behind by the previous owners of the house.  So, I quietly slid open the glass door and the kitty, in her distraction with whatever it was that she was chasing, fell right into the kitchen.  I knew from seeing her before that she was not tame, so rather than try to touch her or call to her and scare her back outside, I quickly flipped a laundry basket over her, trapping her underneath it. 

At the time, I was working at a garden center where there were a lot of stray cats, and the owner had taken it upon herself to trap and spay/neuter all the cats she could.  I helped out a lot with this, so I had some experience with handling feral cats and I also knew a vet who was willing to work with them.  So, with a leather glove on my hand, I carefully transferred the little kitty, (who still had very sharp little teeth and claws!) to a carrier and took her to the vet to be vaccinated and spayed. 

As with most feral cats, the doctor stitched her up with a dissolving glue instead of traditional stitches, so I would not have to bring her back in if I couldn't tame her.  I let her loose in the bathroom to keep an eye on her for the first few days while she healed and to try to get her a little used to me. 

Let's just say that didn't work.

She was so frightened that she scaled the walls and the shower curtain and finally was able to slip out of the bathroom when I was trying to slip in.  This was our only bathroom with a shower, and I was very pregnant with our first, so there was nothing for it but to let her back outside and hope for the best.

Throughout the years she stayed close to home and appeared every evening for her dinner, but never let any of us pet her.  She was named and renamed by the kids that I took care of, but never let anyone near her. 

She was a long haired domestic, so it was so horrible to see her during her shedding months because of course she would not let me brush her at all.  Sometimes her fur would shed in great sheets and it would look like she had a little furry skirt on until it finally caught on something and fell off.

I also felt bad for her on the coldest nights when she would sit outside the door and stick her little nose up under the screen door and snuggle in the warm air that escaped through the crack at the bottom of the door.  She had a warm bed on the porch with a nice blanket in it, and she used that sometimes, but she just couldn't overcome her fear even though you could tell that she really wanted to.

She was so cute, though, when the other cats would come outside.  It was like she was waiting for them and she would run up to them and rub against them and mew her little kitty high-pitched meow.  The other cats seemed to like her, too, and sometimes would all sit snuggled together.

Finally, after many name changes, we ended up with the name Half-Cat.  We somehow settled on that one because she was always only half ours (and usually the hungry half was ours!).  The other half of her was a wild kitty that craved the outdoors and freedom.

On Friday afternoon, my neighbor called to me to come to his yard to see something that 'might belong to me'.  And there was little Half-Cat, curled up under the azalea and bulbs that my neighbor had planted beside his porch.  She looked calm and peaceful and too still, and I knew that she was gone.

I got a towel that she liked and wrapped her in it and Jimmy and I buried her in the back yard under the leland cyprus.  I know she would have liked it there.

It is a strange feeling, losing Half-Cat.  She is such a connection with my past and with my beginning and with my personal growth.  It kind of feels like the ending of an era.  Not so much as I know that it will feel that way when we lose Georgie, Jimmy's favorite feline, but still, it is a loss.  She was such a sweet kitty and we will miss her always being on the stoop waiting for us or running from the neighbors yard when she heard our car pull up even though she knew that she was going to stop just a little short of our outstretched caressing hands. Her friendly presence just always being there will be sorely missed.

But don't worry, Half-Cat.  You can rest easy knowing that you will always have our whole hearts.

And Now Introducing...

I would like to introduce you to the newest member of the family:

Yes, yes.  That's him...right there in front.  The green blob.  We haven't given him a name yet.  The relationship is still too new, but he is there and a very welcome addition to our family.

His original name is Cladophora aegagropila, or Marimo Moss Ball Plant for short.  Maybe we'll just call him Mossy or maybe Moe. 

Anyway, he is just too cool!  Look at him!

Does it get any cooler than that? 

Can you sense my excitement?

I have wanted one of these for some time now.  I don't know why, but they just seem so neat.  Technically, it is really just strings of algae tangled together in a radial pattern to form a fuzzy ball that can rise and sink and roll around the tank according to the light rays in the tank.

But to me, it is a cool, interesting and infinitely curious living thing that I am not familiar with so I am intrigued to see what it will do and how it will grow.

My husband and I are very practical people.  It is sad, but neither one of us is really a romantic, so, when our anniversary rolled around this past Wednesday,  rather than getting each other some sentimental something that has no real use, we use the opportunity to buy something that we really can't justify spending the money on, and that we would never buy for ourselves, but that we want.  And we both knew what we wanted. 

Can we go to the pet store, please?

Sure, he says.  Do you mind if we go to Target and get a chip for my PSP.

No problem.  Fair enough.  Good trade.  Something I want that he has no interest in and something he wants that I have no interest in. 

We actually got Jimmy's chip a little while ago, so tonight, being Family Night and all, we decided to go to Cici's Pizza for Gabriel's birthday, which is coming up on Monday, and then to the pet store.  (It seems our family outings revolve around the pet store and the library.  I guess that's what happens when you have a family of readers with a bunch of pets.) 

And my Marimo was on sale!  And so were the Tetras!  For $1 each!!!!  So, we got a few more Neons so now we have 7 so that they can school better, and we got 5 other Tetras, a snail and my Marimo!  The snail was Jimmy's idea.  I told him if the tank becomes over run with snails, he will be the one to deal with it.  We are hoping that our snail is a single snail who will not gift us with little snail-lets.  (What do you call a baby snail?)

But I am very excited about my Marimo.  Next month we will have to invest in getting better lighting in the tank.  It is against a glass door, but the fluorescent light is what makes the fish's colors come out so well.  Then I want to get a few more Mollies to replace the ones we lost a while ago and 3 more Ghost Catfish so they will school, too, and then the tank will be fully stocked.  Well, as stocked as I want to have it.  I am always nervous about getting new fish, though.  I don't want to upset the balance of the current fish, but our tank is pretty big and there just weren't enough fish in it. 

But now our tank is just one more step closer to being complete.  

Thanks, sweetie, and happy anniversary!

Goodnight, little Marimo, sleep tight!

Ode Little Mousey

Oh, Little Mousey

I know you're still there

Stealing my marshmallows

As if I would not care

You have stolen our cat food,

Dog food and our cornflakes, too

You think you are sneaky,

But we saw you.

With cornflakes in your mouth

Into that hole you did scurry

You were little and gray

And yes, you were furry.

But furry or not,

These snacks aren't for you!

They are for Elizabeth, Jo

And Gabriel, too.

Around my house

On stinky feet you do creep

Looking for something;

Hoping for a treat.

But I am not worried

Oh, no!  I will not fret

'Cause I know in my heart

My kitties will find you yet!

Oh, Little Mousey

You've had a good time

All through our house

Every night you did climb

But your scavenger days

Will soon be done

Because after you

My hungry cats will run

Ask me if I feel

An ounce of regret

And No! I will tell you

Not one little speck!

You decided to ignore

My gentle pleas for relief

You stayed and you snacked

Much to my disbelief

So on little kitties!

Georgie, Little Boy, Dixie and Half-Cat, too

Get up from your slumber

You've got work to do!

Of Mice and Men and Other Loose Ends

We live in a transient neighborhood.  A lot of the houses are rented, which makes for high turnover.  The houses are small and great rentals or starter homes.  The house next to ours is one of those.  It has changed hands at least 4 times in the 12 years that we have been here.  The last owners did not take care of it at all and finally lost it to foreclosure.

So, it sat empty for a while and the weeds grew and the trash built up in the yard until it was purchased by an agent who wanted to flip it.  That meant that they came in and quickly cleaned out the weeds and took away the trash and turned the sad house into a happy house that sold quickly.

And that meant that all the mice that had been living there came here to look for a new home!  And they all came into the laundry room.  This posed a problem because that is where the dog was, so we couldn't set traps or put out poison and the cats would not go there.  We were able to catch them one by one in the cat food bags, but it wasn't enough and they started to take over the house through the walls.  It was horrible!  You could hear them in the ducts and in the vents.  I really didn't know what to do.  But, as you know, our dog passed away last week, so we could now take care of the problem.

I know that they are mice, and I know that I do not want them in my house, but I also know that if we use poison, then an infected mouse could get eaten by a cat and infect the cat, and anyway, I don't really like to think of the mice suffering.  That is why I didn't really want to use the snap traps, either.  So, I went to the hardware store and I got some of the humane traps.  These did not work at all.  I toyed with the idea of putting the cats in the vents, but common sense vetoed that idea.

But FINALLY!  The cats caught on and we started to see this everywhere!

At last I can justify all that money in cat food!  The cats are earning their keep!  And as much as I don't want to trap the mice and kill them, I figure that if the cats catch them, then it is nature and they have their fair chance.   Besides the fact that I have repeatedly told the mice to go elsewhere and even asked politely.  They had their chance.

The only problem is that we find them everywhere.  Apparently the cats think that it is a nice gift to leave us dead mice where we will most likely step on them in the dark.

But, after a few days of mice bodies EVERYWHERE, I think that they are gone, and I think that the cats are disappointed.   It was really funny, by the way, to see the 2 outdoor cats walk up each one carrying a mouse in its mouth.  I think the younger, more agile cat caught an extra one a just let the older cat carry it around for a while.  I can't imagine that my 15 year old cat can still catch a mouse!

As for old business, those of you who were wondering whatever happened to Elizabeth and her desire to become a vegetarian, well, here's how it went: 

At our last family meeting, we decided together that being a vegetarian is not really what she wants to do right now, nor what will really fit in with the rest of the family.  So, we decided that we would eat less red meat, which we hardly ever eat anyway, and as our budget allows, we will work toward eating more organic and free range chickens and turkeys so that we know that even though we are eating them, they had a good life while they were here.  This seemed to be a good compromise that made everyone happy.

Of course, we could just eat all these mice...they are free range, after all!

A Sad Goodbye

I hate change and goodbyes.  I remember crying when they came to pave our street when I was little.  Even though it meant that we could now ride our bikes without getting gravel embedded in our knees when we fell, I just didn't want it to happen.  My road was gravel.  It always had been, and as far as I was concerned, it always should be. 

People laugh at me because even though my daughters are 9 years apart in age, Jo still wears Elizabeth's hand-me-downs.  Yes, I saved Elizabeth's stuff from 12 years ago.  It was packed away in the attic, so why not?  I always have a hard time getting rid of things.  It's not that I hoard stuff or that I am a pack-rat, and for as much as I am unorganized so the house is always *slightly* a mess, we don't really have much stuff for a family of 5.  It's just that when I let go of things, I always have to make sure that they have a good place to go where they will be loved and appreciated as much as I have loved and appreciated them.

Which brings me to my saddest goodbye and my hardest letting go.  This is our dog, Jake.  He is a great dog.  He is a loving dog.  (Someone put a blob of cotton on his head for this one...you can see the patience in his eyes...)

But,  now he is an extremely old dog, at least 15 years old.  He has had a good life.  Maybe not a great life, but a good one.

He came to us in 1998, the January before Elizabeth was born.  He had been found on the highway as an abused puppy.  He was taken in by a lady who was very ill and kept him in a small cage and only let him out once a day to run in a small alley that ran by her house.  Then, a friend of mine found him with her and brought him to me since she could not handle him any more.  So, he came to us as a sad, scared, abused dog of about 2 yrs.

He was afraid of EVERYTHING!  He was terrified of the dish washer and hates fireworks, thunder, lawnmowers, loud cars, loud people, the vacuum...you name it, he was afraid.  He slowly came around and calmed down around most things, but he was still a scared 'little' guy.

But he was great with kids!  Elizabeth learned to walk by holding on to his tail, and he has endured countless other kids who have come through my doors to play with his ears, floppy lips and saggy neck skin.  There was one girl in particular who loved him to pieces.  She would gently grab his neck and go 'gobble gobble' while shaking it back and forth.  Jake loved it. 

He had a little knob on top of his head that we always said was his tuning knob.  He always looked a little lost and confused, and sometimes, when he would get wound up or get to whining, someone would take his head and 'turn' the knob on his head to tune him in a little better.  It didn't always work, but it was interesting to try.

This is his buddy Chester.  I digress, but I found this picture while looking for pics of Jake, and he needs his time in the limelight, too.  Chester was a one-of-a-kind type of dog.  No one knew what kind of dog he was, but everyone either said he was the cutest thing or the ugliest thing they had ever seen.  Either that, or they just out right laughed at him.  He got hit by a car in December of 2009.  Now, before you begin to think that he got out because we were lax on our safety measures for these dogs, I must tell you that the way that he got out of the yard was to climb a tree and jump the fence.  There was no way to control this dog.  He too was a stray dog that we rescued, and like I said, he was one-of-a-kind.  (He also ate all my raspberries right off the bush every year!)

Anyway, back to Jake.    He loved the snow, too.  And he was very frustrated when this year, in the snow, he could no longer get up and run around in it.  And this is the point of my story, although it is long in coming and I apologize for it being poorly written...it has been a hard day for us here.  We finally had to make the decision to take Jake in and have him put to sleep.  He had come to the point where he was no longer eating, he was very sick with internal swelling and bleeding and he couldn't get up to relieve himself or walk around at all.   

Before we took him to the car, I took Jo outside to sit with him one last time and give him one last pat and love on him for the last time.  I told her that Jake was very sick and that we were going to take him to be with Chester.  She patted him and told him she loves him.  I didn't take any pictures of that because what was left of Jake's body was just a shell.  His spirit, if you will, was already long gone.  My kid-loving, snow-loving, scared of everything puppy was already gone and what was left was an old old dog who just wanted to go home.   So, Elizabeth, Jimmy and I took him in to the vet this afternoon and I held his head and patted his back while they gave him the injection that stopped his heart and broke mine.

But I can be happy to know that he is not suffering anymore.  

So, I will say to both of my boys one last time as I said every night for so long...

Goodnight, Jake.  Goodnight, Chester.  Be good boys.  Go to sleep and behave yourselves.  I'll see you in the morning.

But I will sleep tonight knowing that they are together again in that doggy heaven that certainly must exist somewhere.

And I'm sure that there are no fireworks or vacuums to scare Jake, and I am sure that there is a nice tree for Chester to climb...and maybe some raspberries.