Out of the mouths...

Gabriel:  Mom, don't cut my fingernails!  Ok.  You can cut them all but one.  I need one to be able to pick my nose!

Elizabeth: Mom, those ducky pj's are the equivalent of skinny jeans for a baby. How come he gets to wear them and I don't. So not fair.

Jo: Gabriel, what do you have in your mouth?

Gabriel: My teeth.

Gabriel: That's not my barf on the floor, Mom. That's Jesse's barf. My barf is over there on that floor.

Jo: 2 and 2 and 1 is 5, right, Mom? That means that 2 and 2 and 1 and 2 and 2 and 1 is 10!

Gabriel: My fingers! My feet fingers! They're stuck in my shoe!

Jesse: Mama mama mamamama!

Elizabeth: Mom! This family generates dishes like the government generates debt!

Gabriel (looking at the free-standing, glass enclosed gas stove that my parents have in their living room): Well, Grandma, I don't have to be careful at home because my fish don't burn me.

Jo (totally out of the blue): Mom, it's 12.

Me: What's 12, honey.

Jo: That lady. This morning she asked me what is 7+5. It's 12.

Elizabeth: I didn't say that!

Me: Yes, you did.

Elizabeth: No, I didn't!

Me: Yes, you did!

Elizabeth: No, really, I didn't.

Me: Well, you did now. I posted it on facebook.

Gabriel (while standing in the bathroom looking at the hole in the ceiling): Mom, why did Mr Kinnett make a big hole up there in the....the...the...other wall up in the sky?

Jo: Mom! I didn't hit Gabriel first! He looked at me and I knew he was going to hit me first, so I just hit him instead!

Gabriel, eyeing his dinner: Can I put some bacon on this stuff?

Jo: I don't like to cry, but I just have to!

Gabriel (looking at the nightlight that just fell off the wall): I didn't do it! She doed it by she's self!

Jo: A long time ago, before there were cars, there were only horses and cabbages and piggyback rides.

Elizabeth: Gabriel, where's my card?
Gabriel: I losed it.
Elizabeth: Where?
Gabriel: Downstairs.
Elizabeth: Where downstairs?
Gabriel: On the floor in the kitchen.
Elizabeth: Can you go get it?
Gabriel: Ok, but I losed it.

Jo: But when's Izzy coming home? I don't have anybody to sleep with!

Gabriel: Good night, Mom. I am going to bed by myself and you are going to stay downstairs.

Gabriel, pointing to the toaster oven: ...and THIS one is for chicken nuggets...

Gabriel: Mom, I'm breaking your stuff and it's not fun.

Jo: Mom, can I change my name to Jordan Goodwin? Please?

Jo: I can't ride my bike anymore, Mom. My fanny hurts.

Gabriel: MOM! JOEY'S LOOKING AT ME!!!

Jo: We can't ride our bikes there, Gabriel. That man is lawnmowering.

Jo: Hey, Mom. Did you know that in the Old Testament they had a game?
Me, extremely curious about what they taught in Sunday school this week: No. What game is that?
Jo: In the Old Testament they had a stick that they moved around like this and it had a button that you push at the bottom.
Me: Who told you that?
Jo: Daddy did. He said they had them when he was little.
Me: Ummmm, Jo, Daddy's talking about a joystick, and that wasn't exactly in the Old Testament...

Jo: If all of that is English Ivy, where's the Spanish Ivy?

Jo: No thanks, Mom. I don't want any of that. It tastes like sock.

Jo: It's just so hot. My life is not supposed to be like this!

Gabriel (from the back seat of the car): Mom. Mom. Mommy. Mom. What, Honey? Mom. Do you know the Muffin Man?

Jo: Mom, I always listen to you. Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes, not always.

Gabriel: I think I broke my eyeball.

Jo: (Elizabeth and I were singing loudly in the front seat) Mom, can we play the silent game and listen to the radio, please?

Elizabeth (back in the day): Mom, now I know why they say you can't drink and drive! You can't see unless you have a see through cup.

Jo: I love Easter. It's when Jesus came up from the tube!

Gabriel: I don't want to wear socks and shoes. I just want to wear my feet.

Elizabeth: Sagging your pants makes you look really short.

Jesse: Giggle!

Jo: Mom, I don't think I got all my sillies out yet.

Elizabeth: I don't WANT to mop the bathroom floor. It's the weekend. I worked all week and I am supposed to relax!

Anon: If you squirt milk in the baby's eyes, they'll stay blue.

Jo: Mom, you do fun speedbumps.

Gabriel, to the lady in the checkout line in front of us:  Can I have your bananas? 5.18.12

Gabriel, as he pushes dirt over the potatoes (papas) that we are planting in the garden:  Good night, papas, good night. 5.18.12

Gabriel:  I fell and hurt my little leggies!

Jo:  But I don't like those socks!

Jo:  Is that really a real screwdriver?  Cool!

Jo:  I like the running boards on Mr Finfrock's Suburban.

Me: Gabriel, don't throw your banana peel on the floor!  Go pick it up and put it where it goes!
Gabriel: NO!
Me:  Gabriel, you can't talk that way to your mom.  It's ugly.  Go get your peel, now.
Gabriel: *sweetly* No please, Mommy.

Me: Jo, why don't you go out and fold the laundry before quiet time.
Jo:  Alright!  I will!  You're super-cool, Mom!

Gabriel: *fake burp*  Eww!  I'm gross!

Gabriel, going up and down the stairs:  Bye!  See you Wednesday!

Jo:  Jesus can do everything.  He can fix the car and do the laundry at the same time.  He's a good laundry man.

After I put the CD story from the library in the car:
Jo:  Oh, wow!  Good choice, Mom, for putting that in.  I am so proud of you! 

Jo:   In a panic: I can't find my fuzzy pajamas!  My others that are long sleeved aren't warm enough!  I going to be cold tonight!  Why did you wash my fuzzy pajamas now?!?!? It's so cold!  I don't want to wear those long pj's!  I'll freeze!
Can I just wear shorts?