It has been two weeks since her birth, and every moment has been counted out, heartbeat by heartbeat and breath by strangled breath.
I know that Hazel Grace is in your hearts and your prayers. I cannot tell you how deeply we appreciate the outpouring of support that we have been receiving since this whole ordeal began.
I want to be honest and open with you here because sometimes I feel such a weight on my heart and it is so much easier to say it all here, in writing, than to try to articulate myself in person...where the feelings are so raw that they cause physical pain to dwell on.
If you see me and you ask how I am and how our sweet Hazel Grace is, I will probably tell you that we are fine, that we are hanging in there and that we will all get through this by the grace of God.
But the truth is that I am dying inside...being torn up by the silent screams of
Why my baby girl??? Why must she, so small and innocent, be made to suffer? How is this fair? How is this right?
She lies there so tiny and defenseless
and I stand and watch over her incapable of doing anything to help her!
How is this right???
Hazel Grace is not doing too well right now. She has an infection in her lungs that is causing her pain and discomfort, and the treatments for this infection are not easy, either.
And I see her there and I can do nothing.
I see her cry...she can't make a noise anymore because she has the tubes down her throat...but you can see her cry. Her tiny face scrunches up and her little mouth gapes and she cries silently...
and all I can do is watch...
and what kind of mother is that?
I hope she feels my longing and my yearning to pick her up and comfort her.
I hope she knows that she is loved.
Please continue to lift up our baby Hazel Grace in your prayers. Please pray that she will find comfort and that she will be able to tangibly feel love wrapped around her.
Please pray for her healing that she would be made whole and well and that the nurses would be effective in controlling her pain.
And please continue to pray for our family...that we would be strong for each other through this. That my body would have a speedy recovery, that my heart would hold up and that we would all continue to see God's hand in all of this.
Because sometimes, it's a very dark path.