There is so much crowding my mind this evening, that I am not sure that I can sort any one thing out to really dig into and write about.
Our Caja de Lamentos is filling up, waiting for Saturday when we can open it up and burn away all of our sins like Christ did on the cross, and my heart is filling up with grace and gratitude for all that I have and all that Christ has done for me and made real to me in these last years.
Elizabeth is gone for a week long trip to visit my family on my father's side in GA, which has been very difficult for us. Jo and Elizabeth share a bedroom, and Jo really feels Elizabeth's absence. She is also of the age to be able to ask why 'Izzie' can go with Grandma and Grandpa to Georgia, and she can't. That is as hard as it is painful to try to explain...so much so that I can not even put it into words here - for which I have filled out many papers to tuck into our Caja this week - and I feel a great sadness for the state of affairs in our family.
Gabriel is cutting about 4 more teeth all at the same time and he got bitten by some kind of something that crawled up his pants leg and bit him a few times so the area is red and swollen, so sleep has been a rare commodity around here.
Jo is out of school this week and because of the rain on Saturday, our business has not yet moved, so she is home all day with us.
Which means that I am dying to sit down with her and work with her on her letters and numbers, which she is so ready and wants to learn, but really, I have to work. And all that bring me around to how much I want to be home with my kids and home school them here but how that seems to be impossible because I have to work to support the family. We can't make it on Jimmy's salary alone.
So I have to ask, where does God want me? What does he really want me to do? Does He really want me to be sitting at a desk doing paperwork all day? Is this what my life amounts to? Chafing against the bonds that hold me to this job? It is a good job. I have a great boss and a wonderful person to work with all day, every day (my husband!). But I can't seem to settle in to this job and give it my all and commit myself to accepting that this is what I was made to do.
My body hurts from sitting at a desk all day. My fingers go numb from using the computer and mouse for hours at a time. It this really what I was made for?
But to end this on a positive note, and to focus my heart and mind back to the things in life that bring me joy and love,
our church's Easter Egg hunt was this past Sunday, Palm Sunday.
Jo had a blast on the playground with her Sunday School friends (and Daddy!), so it was a great time had by all and a lovely afternoon.
Especially since everyone came home and took a nap afterwords!
And after seeing those pictures and writing those words, I feel encouraged and uplifted.
I hope you do, too!
Oh, by the way...tell me what you think of my new blog design! (Some of you, (you know who you are!) would be very impressed that I did it all myself...from taking the picture of the grass in the rain, to formatting it and posting it!)